Loneliness Is Killing Us

 

One of the greatest conundrums of 21st century life is this: there are 8 billion people walking the earth—more than ever before—but somehow we’re living in the loneliest moment in history. In 2024, the World Health Organization found that 25 percent of older adults across the world experience social isolation, and between 5 and 15 percent of adolescents are lonely. This cuts across income brackets.

Dr. Warren Kinghorn, a recent speaker at Laity Lodge, has seen this problem first-hand, and he knows it has many consequences. Kinghorn is a clinical psychiatrist as well as a theologian and co-director of the Theology, Medicine, and Culture Initiative at Duke Divinity School. “The topic of loneliness, social isolation, and social disconnection is critically important for thinking about depression and anxiety in the U.S., as well as the rate of death by suicide, and substance use, and deaths of despair,” he says.

Kinghorn’s conclusion is backed up by a 2023 report entitled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation,” released by the office of former US Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy. The study found some frightening health statistics. Social disconnection can be more harmful to your health than smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. Insufficient social connection can lead to a 29% risk of heart disease and a 32% increased risk of stroke. This kind of isolation increases your risk of anxiety, depression, and dementia—and it might even make you more susceptible to viruses and respiratory diseases.

In the report, Murthy recommended “supporting community efforts to rebuild social connection”—a call that has important implications for both practitioners and for leaders of social communities. That, of course, means churches.

Those of us who aren’t mental health professionals might be tempted to shrug our shoulders and leave it to the experts. But the church can’t afford to do that, Kinghorn says: “We have people that are dying in the United States for lack of community and for lack of relationship. So how can that be an urgent call not just for folks in the healthcare space, but also for Christians?”


As a practitioner, Kinghorn understands the medical roots of the crisis. But he sees it from another angle, too. “For the church, it’s a theological problem,” he says. Addressing the root cause requires a deep understanding of how humans were created. “How do we live lives of meaning and purpose in community, finding ways to name what it means to be human— beyond simply carriers of symptoms?” he asks.

In the New York Times Magazine this summer, writer Matthew Shaer noted that Americans feel a lack of meaningful connection—communities of mutual support and emotional intimacy. Frictionless interactions, such as those facilitated by apps that will deliver everything from groceries to dates to our door, are likely contributing to the problem; working in an office doesn’t solve it either, since there you are valued based on your usefulness to others. Shaer describes “a sense that many of the institutions and traditions that once held us together are less available to us or no longer of interest.”

For some people, that includes the institution of the church. Yet recent data suggests that 30% of Americans still go to church weekly, or almost weekly. That means that for a sizable portion of the population, church represents the potential for meaningful connection. In crisis, “data tells us that people go to the church first, especially in marginal and minority communities, because of trust,” says Rebecca Brune, executive director of The Congregational Collective and a guest at the retreat. “So why are we not rallying around churches as part of the solution? Not to be clinicians, but to engage with people in a very real space where they’re at.”

Churches—and the Christians who fill their pews—have not always exercised skill or empathy in dealing with mental health issues in the world and in their communities. Fear and lack of understanding can hold parishioners and ministers back from interacting with others. Conflicting cultural factors around class, race, or even political preferences may make some feel unwelcome. A well-meaning focus on cultivating virtues like gratitude, contentment, and joy can cause people experiencing pain and loneliness to feel stigmatized, further isolating them. It’s a vicious cycle.

The Congregational Collective, which Brune leads, was formed in February 2022 by the H. E. Butt Foundation, part of the Foundation’s commitment to removing the shame around mental health struggles that can arise specifically in churches. Given their focus, it was natural for them to be at the retreat. The Collective is a nonprofit organization seeking to help faith communities in the San Antonio area support mental wellness in two ways. They want to help churches move away from the stigma of talking about mental health, and they want churches to understand the complex factors that can contribute to mental health, including social determinants. “Where you live, eat, work—all those things that really matter,” Brune says.

In October 2024, Brune attended the same Laity Lodge retreat that Kinghorn helped lead, entitled “Beyond Symptoms: Mental Health and the Crisis of Disconnection.” It was organized in cooperation with Duke University, the University of Aberdeen, and Laity Lodge. Kinghorn worked with John Swinton, who chairs Divinity and Religious Studies at University of Aberdeen and founded the university’s Centre for Spirituality, Health, and Disability. The retreat, attended by mental health professionals, church leaders, academics, and others, aimed to address the ways churches and clinicians can connect to address mental health crises in their community. Over several days, attendees discussed case studies, explored connection points, and considered how churches and professionals might partner in creating a more cohesive system for treating mental illness before it becomes critical.

“We talked a lot about the role of the church in mental health, but not just as an individual problem that needs individual treatment,” says Kinghorn. “How can we encourage each other, incorporate the arts, name what it means to walk alongside those who suffer—and do so together?”

For Brune, the conversations reinforced what The Collective has been discovering in their work with local faith communities. “Churches come to the table with a toolbox that’s already there,” Brune says. “We can lean into it more intentionally as part of the larger delivery continuum.” The challenge, she said, is identifying what churches offer and “plugging that into a traditional medically-driven model.”

What are the elements of that toolbox? The practice of communion or the Eucharist, for instance, which regularly encourages church attendees to partake in an intentional symbolic meal, reinforcing their connection to one another and to the ancient story of Christ’s sacrifice for us. Singing together is another practice handed down across generations, and many studies show the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of creating and experiencing beauty with other people. The same goes for a simple potluck supper or coffee hour: sharing sustenance together builds belonging.

A congregation that gathers regularly is likely to notice when a member is suffering, and churches often have the ability to reach out, offer help, and care for needs that contribute to feelings of isolation. Greeters and others welcome those on the margins of the service. Churches enlist volunteers to visit the homebound or bring meals to the sick. They offer spaces for people to connect in small groups.

Furthermore, churches have traditionally helped people focus outward. Serving and volunteering provide an important way to focus attention on others instead of the self. And at church, people encounter spiritual healing through the ancient practices of confession, forgiveness, and salvation, and then learn to extend those to others. Practices like these can play a powerful role in healing.

Harnessing this toolbox doesn’t mean that pastors and church leaders will fulfill the roles that medical practitioners currently play, nor is it meant to supplant medical intervention. Brune says that ideally, churches would be integrated into a continuum of care, equipping them with the tools to identify signs that a person might need assistance, as well as providing community for them.

This requires equipping church leaders with the tools and resources they need to adequately address the needs within their congregation, which includes early identification of mental health issues and the ability to make informed referrals. Yet according to Dr. Matthew Stanford, many if not most faith leaders feel as if they haven’t been trained enough to recognize a mental health condition. In his book Madness and Grace: A Practical Guide for Pastoral Care and Serious Mental Illness, Stanford writes that only 10% of faith leaders ever make a referral to a mental health professional. Brune hopes that the work of The Congregational Collective will not just reverse this trend but even connect clinicians with churches to which they can refer patients seeking spiritual care.

Of course, integrating churches in the continuum of care means welcoming people into the fold—and that can be risky. A person experiencing mental health issues may act or look in a way that makes people feel uncomfortable. But a church seeking to fulfill its calling can seek assistance in training and developing a broader understanding of mental health issues, becoming a refuge for those who otherwise will be left isolated.

That’s part of why Brune found the diversity of attendees at the retreat to be an encouraging sign of things to come. “Brain scientists, academia, faith communities, spiritual leaders—they all want to solve a problem,” she says. “They want to create a nexus for these worlds to coexist. The exciting part for me is that there’s dialogue and energy to embrace a new framework in healthcare for a better understanding of spirituality as an important aspect of achieving and sustaining mental and physical health.”

These were key parts of the conversation at the Lodge, and the setting only emphasized the value of real, vibrant, in-person community. Certainly, people can find valuable connection with others in digital spaces, and for some, it’s life-saving. But the retreat modeled for attendees the kind of connection that thriving churches have to offer to mental health professionals and patients. Kinghorn says, “There’s no substitute for inperson, physical presence with other people.”

`